Secretly, I think I should be interviewing people. Who and about what, I don’t know. But I’m intensely curious about what makes people tick, and so I kind of feel like I should be interviewing…somebody. However, because my social reach right now is limited due to winter and sickness, I picked someone instantly close to me (Miss M). She does like basking in the spotlight, after all.
Here’s the thing: I got this interview off Pinterest. It’s one of those cutesy things you see on the more overly adorable mommy blogs, so the kid being interviewed isn’t getting interviewed about themselves; they’re getting interviewed about what they think about their mommy (way to go, hidden narcissism). Fortunately, my child actually IS at the narcissistic development stage, so when she realized: oh, snap! These questions aren’t about me, they’re about HER! she quickly MADE it about all about her.
Without further ado, I submit The Divine Miss M Interview, January 2016:
Miss M, age 7
What is something I always say to you?
“Think about what you’re acting like”…and “I love you, even when I’m mad at you.”
What makes me happy?
I make you happy and you make ME happy
What makes me sad?
Me ripping up stuff I made for you. And I get sad about not being with you and daddy and not having a sister or a brother.
How do I make you laugh?
You act very dramatically with me.
(this is the point she realizes: Hey! What about ME!?)
But wait! How do I make YOU laugh? You ask me, momma!
Okay. Here is how I make YOU laugh: Many things, like, me doing this Just Dance move *does a weird bizarre shoulder shake that does, indeed, make me laugh*
What was I like as a child?
You were probably annoying. (probably. i probably was annoying. especially if you were my little brother.)
How old am I?
How tall am I?
You’re like 43 inches cause you’re 43. Aaaand…I’m like 17 inches cause I wish I was 17.
What is my favorite thing to do?
Play with me and walk with me and being alone.
And MY favorite thing to do is bug my mom and play with my dolls and watch my favorite show Baby Daddy.
(Don’t judge, Internet. Baby Daddy is CONSTANTLY on at our house, and trust: of all the TV-14 programming out there, I’m actually okay with this one – it’s got modern family values to it.) (Okay, fine. I also have an intense interest in the hockey player brother character.)
What do I do when you’re not home?
You usually go on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and play little games with your friends so you can gossip about each other.
What am I really good at?
oh my god, you’re really good at telling jokes and telling stories!
But what am I good at? (I ask her to tell me): I’m really good at gymnastics and I’m really good at pretending and I’m really good at being a kid and a sweetness to my mommy and my daddy and I’m really good at being a student.
What am I not very good at?
Nothing- you’re not bad at anything.
And I’m not very good at doing THIS *does a strange dance*
Well, I’m very good at dancing, but I’m not very good at….when it comes to chocolate, because I eat ALL the chocolate! (true. I constantly have to hide the chocolate.)
What do I do for a job?
And I…want to work in a chocolate factory so I can eat all the chocolate…wait, I’ll be a teacher and a chocolate factory person.
What is my favorite food?
that’s really…your favorite food is you’re an olive fan and so you really like olive salad and olive pizza. (??? While an olive fan, I’ve never had olive salad or olive pizza. Are those even real foods?)
My favorite food is many things…except vegetables. I hate vegetables. Just pizza and all that sugar stuff. Chocolate…pizza…pizza ice cream…chocolate dipped pizza ice cream.
What do you enjoy doing with me?
Playing pranks. (I have no idea where she gets this idea from – SHE’S the prankster.)
And you like playing with me, but you’re also very mean to me so…you say things like: “You do the work! While I stay here and have fun.”
You like to boss me around, that’s what you like to do. (This is true. I live to boss my daughter around. Constantly finding new and improved ways to be bossy.)