process, part 2 (again).

Deleted the last post. Because I am out of my Moment. And I woke up this morning to a message from a friend going: “Amy, why?! Don’t feed the crazies.” And this is a friend who’s like my brother, and is helping me with the situation.

I still need to process it, and I’m going to. I am going to write about what happened to me, because that’s going to help ME. And I believe in connections, and so if someone stumbles in and it helps them, the hooray Serendipity.

I feel nothing but contempt and disdain for the Internet lunatic. If I were to have the “dialogue” he’s been demanding and whining about, it would be nothing but a stream of curse words. What he did was reprehensible. Get it, see it from his point of view: his relative died, and I wasn’t there for him. Feel completely bad about that…until I start thinking about how much time I spent talking to him, believing his lies, etc etc. I have a lot of sympathy for his family, but little for him. I don’t care what his childhood experiences were to create what he is today. I had trauma in my childhood too, and I don’t verbally abuse, emotionally manipulate, or stalk people when I don’t get my way.

I’m still angry. I need to write it out and work through it, and I’m going to do it publicly because this is a huge problem on social media and the Internet. (That’s why, D, if you’re reading this.) It’ll feed the lunatic for a bit, because he’ll come here and get all happy that I’m talking about him (and judge-y and self-righteous and hypocritical when I write something he disagrees with. Or, god forbid, I use a wrong word or get a bit hyperbolic – he’s so pedantic and focused on dumb, minute details. He’s openly and freely admitted to STALKING me, and he’s worried about the fact that in his recollection I asked for a month away from him and I said 7 days. Ridiculous.)

But I think it’s worth it, because I’m going to get it out. And then I am never ever going to think about that asshole again. I am going to go on with my life, meet new people, dance in the rain, make love in wild places, and I predict within anywhere from 6 months to a year, I will look back on this incident and go: WTF kind of an excuse of a human being was that. What a lesson to learn.

And I wonder about the women he’s in contact with who’ve heard (his side) of this story. He sends them to my social media accounts and this blog. They go, they read, and they support him. I don’t get it. I don’t understand women who can see another woman was clearly abused and stalked, but they’re going to be his “friend.” Jesus. Really, ladies? Tell him to go make some man friends so they can teach him how to be one.

He has no honor. He has no morals. He posts endlessly on his social media about kindness and love and compassion and friendship. But he actually doesn’t understand any of that, because they’re just concepts to him.

But this is getting longer than I wanted it to be, and the weekend is about to start. I’ll be back with more stalker processing later this weekend. I’m going to be okay. I just need to work through it.