you all will have to forgive me if i disappear for awhile. i’m going to do some journal writing, some book reading, some soul searching, some staring out of windows for long stretches of time, some listening to Damien Rice, and a lot of crying late at night after melissa has gone to sleep.
charles and i decided to go ahead and file for divorce.
i am sad. it’s a kind of sad haven’t known for a very, very, very long time. the last time this sad and i met, i think it was when i stood looking at my dad’s very still body and realized he was never coming back. this is not a depressive, how do i pull myself up out of this kind of sad like i have been off and on. this is a true sad, the kind medicines and talk therapy can’t really reach no matter what they say. if my soul had a voice, it would be ululating in waves of pain right now.
and i am tired. i don’t really have anything left to give to anyone else except melissa. this is hard.