challenges

word talisman.

I took me, myself, and I to see Ghostbusters last night. It wasn’t terrible. Sorry (not sorry), angry fanboys really angry about chicks remaking their precious original…the girl version just isn’t completely terrible. Will it win an Oscar? Comedy awards? No. There were some cheesy moments and a few areas I went: but that doesn’t make sense because how would…oh, never mind. It’s not film school art; just watch it. But overall, it wasn’t terrible, and I laughed out loud in some places. All by myself in an empty theater. I love Melissa McCarthy and Kristen Wiig, and now I love Leslie Jones and Kate McKinnon. All women I’d hang out and be BFFs with. In fact, I think I really just enjoyed Ghostbusters for the performances more than the actual story. Which wasn’t a very good story. But the performances? Two thumbs up.

30-day-challenge

At any rate. Day 2 of my 30 Day Challenge. I’m supposed to write about something someone told me about myself once that I’ve never forgotten.

I have a lot of things people have said to me about me up here in my noggin, good things and bad things. That nasty ex-friend-turned-stalker’s insults and names are all still swirling around up there – they’re very fresh. But a friend also told me just recently that he was drawn to me because I’m interesting and have a good heart. That was sweet. And Jason Isaacs once said that two Hollywood show runners should hire me. That meant a lot and stays with me. But so does the one thing the one chick at the one writer’s group about how my thoughts were dense and hard to wade through when I wrote….Stuff. All kinds of things people have said to me in my brain that I’ve never forgotten. You can never tell what you’re going to say to me that will stick. I have an elephantine-like memory, but it can be Swiss cheese-y selective. Depending on the day.

Today C and I have been married 10 years. (Because we aren’t legally unmarried yet.) Two years ago, C took Miss M and me out to eat on July 22, and after we ordered I said, “Why are we eating out on a Tuesday for no reason?” (Because we usually ate out as a family on Fridays.) And he looked across the table at me calmly and said, “Because today is the day we got married.” The year before, on July 22, I had a broken foot and we’d gone out to a really fancy pants restaurant and barely spoken two words to each other the whole time. Neither of us forgot the date, but it was a very bad time. And then the following year I completely forgot it existed. I could barely get through that dinner – I think I spent half of it in the bathroom fanning my weepy eyes telling myself to get it together, M was with us. I am weepy right now, just thinking about it…it was a big marker, a big sign, that Things Were Not Okay.

Last year, I didn’t forget this day. This day was a marker, a big marker of failure for me – I was big mess of a mess last year. And I remember having an argument with that former friend-turned-stalker on this day last year because he tried to friend me on Facebook and I said no and he lied to me about it being a glitch and I was trying to emotionally sort through my mourning and he was creepily demanding and expecting stuff from me I couldn’t and wouldn’t give…I am so thankful last year is over.

So. Let me just do this. I just waded through god knows how many posts on my personal Facebook page to find this. This is from a former co-worker who I really like and admire a lot. She wrote me a letter of recommendation for if/when I ever decide to switch schools or get a different job, and she wrote things about me that make me cry every time I think about what she said about me.

Anyway, I wrote a blog post here about the last day I spent as a classroom teacher and how sad that was but also how grateful I was feeling for being given the opportunity to go back to the kind of teaching I feel most competent at, and in the comments section under that post she wrote:

“I love your writing. I love how brave you are to let us see, and feel, your vulnerabilities. You constantly amaze me with the inner strength you don’t even know you have.”  (Thank you and love you, Amie, if you’re reading.)

Today is a really sad day for me. So you know what I’m going to do because of this writing challenge?After I publish this, I’m going to physically write down what she said and carry it around in my wallet with me. I have other notes I do this with, by the way…sometimes I’ll make a request to the Universe in writing, fold it up, and carry it around with me in my wallet. Because I think this is like powerful talisman. Some people carry around feathers or jewels or animal teeth or bones or pictures, or wear stones or amulets around their necks, whatever things they feel will bring them strength to keep going and power to ward off evil. I carry around words. Sometimes on paper, sometimes in my brain, sometimes in my heart.

There are days you just need a word talisman. Try to choose the white magic ones.

 

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