muggle’s struggles.

struggling, like a muggle-rucker.

Am I off on my numbering of writing challenge days? For some reason I think I’m off. Yesterday’s music post was supposed to be Day 7. Today’s is Day 8: Write about something you struggle with.

Oh hahahaha (mirthful laughter). ‘Cause I think I’ve done a really thorough job here outlining and with great detail all the struggle things.

You guys, I have to be honest: I just don’t want to write about this. Not today. Other than to just say I’m soul-tired. I’m disillusioned and jaded and cynical these days about a lot of stuff. Don’t really enjoy being single at this point. And today, a lot of people suck.

But not my friends Michele and Robin, who I’m going to go on a dinner/movie date with later. They don’t suck. They are funny and awesome and later I’m going to have some really deep talks with them about specific people in my life I think suck and why, over pizza and Italian wine. After that, we’re going to see the movie Bad Moms with all the other bad moms in our area and we shall proudly lift our bad mom middle fingers at all the women who judge other women for anything they do, but especially mothering. Because tribe.

Beyond that, I don’t really want to say anything else about what I’m struggling with.

Can I tell you instead about something I stopped struggling with? (MOM! Look away! Stop reading right now!) (I’m sure we’ll talk when I see you on Friday, but I swear my only response is going to be: I’m with her. I’m with her. I’m with her. Over and over until your Trump supporting ears bleed. Love you! SO much love, from your favorite daughter, the one who returned your phone call this week in a really timely manner.)

I decided to vote for Hillary Clinton. I know. I KNOW! She’s supposedly a crook and a liar. She’s definitely kind of sketchy. But listen: first of all, WHY am I calling her a crook and a liar? Those are Donald Trump’s words. And I’ll be damned if I’m going to start talking like Donald. And second of all, I got to thinking about what this woman has actually been through in her career – you all do remember how she literally had to bake cookies 20+ years ago because Republican males got their panties in a wad when she spoke about being a career woman, not one who stayed home and baked cookies. Oh, hell’s bells! All the distraught eunuchs had to scramble for their smelling salts and demand retraction. And she got criticized for wearing headbands. Because only communists wear them, apparently.

Later, when she was actually DOING things, trying to serve her country – like being a US Senator and Secretary of State, for example – she got raked over the coals for all kinds of shit, most of it (I’ve researched) turned out to not be true. Politics is a dirty head game in this country. How they do in DC. And she’s still married to a known philanderer. Yet still fighting. Still taking hits. Still shrugging them off. People who don’t like her find this infuriating; they want to see her go down. People who do like her see it as strength; she’s unfuckwithable.

So. I sat on Donald Trump’s twitter page and sifted through how he does life (and then took a cleansing shower). And I sat on Hillary’s page and sifted through how she does life. The differences are stark – she occasionally hits back when he says outrageous things (like, oh, I dunno…encouraging a known foreign adversary to influence our country’s politics and play double agent espionage games that smack of treason with a former Secretary of State), but mostly she focuses on the positive and what she wants to accomplish if elected. Meanwhile, Donald does literally nothing but roll around in the mud and bitch about how shitty America is. Wasn’t it George Bernard Shaw who said “I learned long ago never to wrestle a pig. You get dirty and, besides, the pig likes it.”? I’m pretty sure that was George Bernard Shaw. Donald Trump is a pig, and I admire Hillary for not wrestling with him very much. And when she does, she at least cleans up better.

Yes, I know there are 3rd party candidates out there. I looked them up to see what they’re offering. But you guys are really going to have to convince me that there’s a viable movement that will actually work before I’ll vote for one of them. I try not to be a conspiracy theorist, but it’s not lost on me that Donald used to support the Clintons, and he’s been SO over the top cray cray it would not shock me at all to learn 25 years from now when the Hillary papers are unsealed from the CIA vaults that this was a ploy to get a Clinton into the White House again. On the other hand, Donald is an extreme narcissist, so I don’t know. I do know I don’t like the fact we seem to be stuck with this two party thing, and that both parties make sure it never ever gets disrupted. That bothers me. I feel like it’s choosing between Comcast or Charter because DISH can’t find satellites from my position. Frustrating.

But I don’t care for Gary Johnson. I’m not a Libertarian, I’m just not. On the other hand, I pretty much completely agree with Jill Stein, but who IS she? What experience does she have? Washington, DC is brutal and dirty and corrupt. I want someone who will go toe to toe with those a-holes running things up there and so maybe Hillary’s a little brutal and dirty and corrupt herself; this is not a job for a crunchy clean kumbayah person, even though I remain hopeful one day it will be. Congress needs to be cleaned up first, though. And ditto Gary Johnson – who IS he? What experience does he have? What happens when Putin shows up drunk with a bottle of Russia’s best vodka and starts talking all crazy to him about hiring a Russian minister to his cabinet ? (Thanks for encouraging THAT crazy meddling, freaking Donald. *hard eye roll*)

So I’ve been struggling…definitely not voting for Donald (obviously). But WHO?? is what I’ve been struggling with…do I even LIKE Hillary? I’ve been thinking, being buoyed along by things I’ve seen on social media, from friends in my social media feeds, and the confused American media in general, that I don’t really like Hillary because of whispers and rumors. But after some digging, I think that’s a load of media-crazed B.S. and political posturing. I don’t see eye-to-eye with Hillary on some key issues. I am in dismay of her support of charter schools getting tax payer money. Barack is still on my shit list for Race to the Top, too, by the way – his Big Idea to make No Child Left Behind even worse has caused me so much personal grief in my life I can’t even tell you. But I still LIKE him, as a president, overall. He’s classy. His wife is classy. Their kids are classy. Even their dogs are classy.

Also, I don’t really like or trust Hillary on this world trade stuff…I’m so tired of corporations snaking out of paying their taxes and sending jobs overseas (but I do agree with her that we HAVE to trade with the rest of the world). I think she’s made some dumb decisions in accepting money for speeches and how she uses email. But overall, when I look at Hillary compared to the 3rd party candidates, I know who she is and her overall, big picture record, and I kind of have an idea how she’ll act while in the White House. Like, I think if Putin showed up drunk, vodka in hand, Hillary would give him a withering look, stick him in the Lincoln bedroom, and within seconds the NSA would be making his world very uncomfortable; the next day he’d be on a plane for Russia surrounded by angry, gay CIA-trained assassins issuing warnings for how it’s going to be now between the USA and Putin…we have incriminating photos. When I look at her character and amount of  Don’t Fuck With Me Fellas!! Faye Dunaway-level class she conducts herself with compared to Trump? Psh. Easy peasy lemon squeazy.

Joan Crawford. The original bad mom.

So there. I did it. I’ve decided. Throw your tomatoes at me, hide your kids, sigh your “OH AMY” sighs of exasperation. #ImWithHer. I mean, you can still try to persuade me, but I’m pretty sure I’m pretty sure now. (Still real sad Sanders isn’t my choice, but one day we’ll get to the mountaintop! One day, we’ll have a crunchy, love is all there is Congress that sings Kumbayah before each session and sticks flowers in the NRA’s rifles when it tries to lobby for more power.)