lists

reflections on stuff.

Okay. So I took a look at my bank account. I was scared to, after Christmas. It’s not as bad as I’d feared. So far. But I have car tags/emission tests coming up and a child’s emergency clinic doctor bill to pay, and so everybody’s just going to have to wait to get their stupid money from me until I have it for them. Electric company, you get some money from me first, because it’s winter and I also I need Netflix and Internet.

It’s supposed to be extra cold here and snow this weekend. Just a light dusting in Atlanta, which means the entire place will shut down and not know what to do with itself. I personally plan to stay in and drink hot cocoa spiked with Kahlua and some other stuff.

We’re moving Miss M to a new before/after school daycare location soon – long story, but in the long run she’ll be happier. I won’t be, because now I absolutely have to get up by 5:00…it’s not on my way like the other place was. But it’s just til the end of the school year, and then I think we’re going to try the regular schoolbus. Daycare is expensive, everybody. Healthcare, daycare, petcare, haircare….anything with the word “care” attached to the end of it. I’m going to start a business and call it “regimecare.” It’ll be for everybody with PTSD from Donald Trump’s presidency or just generally unhappy and confusing the word regime and regimen. Like, skincare regimen (skincare=expensive).

Here are some funny memes I found on Pinterest tonight while eating more junk food:

heh
i think this sums me up quite nicely.

 

shave
accurate. in the winter months: accurate.

 

Okay! Time for more January reflections!

january-goals

13-What I ate for dinner today: I had an appetizer of lime tortilla chips with melted white Mexican cheese. Main dish: Vanilla salted caramel ice cream with chocolate chip cookies. Dessert: a beer.

…I KNOW! You’re really upset I’m not having you over for dinner, aren’t you? Well, I only bought enough for me.

14-Today? I figured out what I’m doing at work the rest of the week. Other than that, I fed the cat and paid two bills. I’m just trying to keep it real. Real and simple. Tiny bites out of Life. Breathe in, breathe out.

15-Miss M called me. You know separation anxiety toddlers go through? We’re having that. At 8 years old. I’m trying to figure out what’s going on with her, but also not give in to manipulations. It’s tightrope to walk, this parenting stuff. And I suck at balance.

16-Who am I in love with. Well, quite frankly, I believe you can be in love with more than one person at a time. Yet I say that as someone who’s prone to hot fits of jealousy and likes to be the sole focus of a man’s attention and devotion. The problem is (I think) the culture at large teaches us monogamy is the only way to be, and the only way you’ll stay sane. As someone who’s prone to hot fits of jealousy and has some awkward needy issues AND is a really really poor multi-tasker, I tend to agree with the culture-at-large, just on the sanity bit. But I absolutely think it’s possible to be in love with more than one person at a time. I just do. If you ask a parent which child they love best, most generally well-functioning parents won’t be able to say which one, because they are both loved equally. So why is it we can love our children equally, yet limit ourselves to just one in love love? It seems irrational to do both.

Personally, I think monogamy is partly religion-based but also partly-childhood longing based…didn’t you want to be THE kid mom and dad loved the most? I know I did. Didn’t you torture your kid brother with tales of finding his adoption papers in dad’s filing cabinet in the basement? And then lock him in his bedroom even though he was screaming to be let out but you just casually went downstairs and turned on the TV so you could experience what life as an only, the best-loved child, would really, truly feel like? The magnificence of being the ONLY ONE?

No? That was just me? Huh.

At any rate. I think: mostly try to fall in love with yourself. Because once you can do that, it won’t matter if you’re in love with one other person or five other people; you’ll be primarily in love with you, and so you’ll always make the best choices for you.

…I have no idea where I’m going with this, and I can feel myself starting to go down a rabbit hole. Basically, I’m avoiding answering this question.

17-The best part of today was…getting a big hug and kiss from my human girl (I had to drop off her coat and backpack at her dad’s) and cuddling with my animal girl. Soft kitten cuddles are nice. And human hugs are even nicer. I could use a lot of hugs these days. Long, safe hugs.

Here. Here’s another meme I saw earlier that I think tells the truth:

heh2
if you like skinny, sober bitches, you’re doing it wrong.
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