i don’t care.

i just felt like answering these questions. still not feeling like writing much. tried to set up a nom de plume account; doesn’t really work for me. it doesn’t feel authentic. and really, if i’m very very honest? i think i’m just feeling too damaged at this point to care much. i’ve spent the last 2-3 years over caring for people who didn’t much at all, and now i just don’t care to care if anyone cares. which is a very different place to be than not caring if anyone cares. and i don’t care if that makes sense to you or not, it does to me.

but a twitter pal put this up on his feed yesterday and i’m sitting here avoiding adult responsibilities, so i’m sticking it on here and answering them. and i don’t care if anyone cares about that or not. i literally just felt like it. the end.

1-Do kisses have stories? Once upon a time, there was a tall man and he bent his head to my lips and…

Can I say instead where my favorite kiss has been? In the rain. If you have never been kissed in the rain, you should fix that.

2-Mermaids. So cliche, but do I care? NO THIS IS THE I DON’T CARE BLOG.

3-A year ago I was a mess of a girl who cared too much. This year I’m a mess of a girl who doesn’t. The End.

4-Just ONE??? I have so many.

That my credit score is now at like -150.

5-I wanted to be a dolphin trainer when I was a child. Or marry Australian spy Robert Scorpio from General Hospital. Or both.

6-When I found my dad lying dead in his bed. I’ve had many many traumatic days since then, some I’m still in recovery from, yet none hold a candle to that moment.

7-Just ONE??? I have so many.

I’d like to be bolder. Not braver…I’ve got bravery down, I think. But bold? Low on that. I’ll give you an example: when I met Jason Isaacs at Dragon Con in September, I noticed his attractive friend Sean Pertwee sitting next to him drinking a Heineken. I didn’t in September, but I now know exactly who Sean Pertwee is, and what credits are under his belt. He reminds me a bit of Jason in that respect, because I’ve seen lots and lots of things Sean Pertwee has done, but would not have been able to pick him out of a crowd or even know his name. Which (I hope) actors like Jason and Sean both appreciate, because it means – I think – they’re very good at their jobs, which I say is basically disappearing into a character.

At any rate, there he was: this attractive man, drinking a Heineken. It was the Heineken what did it. And the fact no one was standing in his line for an autograph, but Jason had, like, a hundred. Were I bold, I wouldn’t have cared. I’d have finished up with Mr. Isaacs, and then marched my little bold self right next door to Mr. Pertwee and not only boldly let him know I had no idea who he was but I wanted his autograph nonetheless. Then, I’d have boldly asked him for one of his Heinekens AND invited him to drink some more with me at the hotel bar later. BAM! Bold.

That’s what I’d like to change about me.

8-Luff Pup Pup. Big stuffed dog. Got him when I was 2 – my Uncle Joey gave him to me for Christmas. Luff Pup Pup is my Velveteen Rabbit. His eyes are gone, his tongue and belly button and tail are gone. His ears are ripped and have been resewn on numerous times. His fur is dingy with time and thousands and thousands of hugs. But I am his and he is mine, and will be for all time. I still sleep with him when my tears are overwhelming and I need something to hug. He is real (to me).

9-See number 8. ^^

10-Anything with words. In 2nd grade I was Best Speller. In high school, Advanced Placement English was my jam. History, Government, Humanities, Drama/Speech, Spanish. If it involves words and thoughts, it’s my favorite.

11-Well, probably being both aghast at and making fun of Donald Trump right now. He provides nearly daily material. But also swimming and hiking (I haven’t been to my beloved nature trails in awhile…will rectify this evening). And maybe one day writing again…I will occasionally throw out a poem here and there. And I still love reading other people’s words.

12-Just ONE??? I have so many.

Sometimes I sleep in my make up. And I probably spend too much time on social media, though I’ve been able to cut back a lot this summer.

13-You know what? I’ve not had anything I could classify as “That was SOOOO weird.” This is probably because I’ve managed to avoid what I call The Craigslist Pitfall.

14-At the beach. At night. There is nothing like sitting or walking on sand on a warm summer night under a sky full of stars with a dark, mysterious ocean crashing right near you. Nothing.

15-I’m actually okay being just me. I’m a handful, but there’s magic if you’re patient and brave enough and aren’t trying to control me in some way or another. So far, I’ve yet to meet a man who is and hasn’t.

16-The person I “like”?? What am I, 13? I don’t “like” anyone right now. But if I were to “like” someone, I’d pick someone between the ages of 40-55. That’s my range.

17-In a cute little beach cottage or quiet little mountain cabin. If it’s the beach, I choose the Mediterranean. If it’s a cabin, I’m heading to the Smokies. Either way, the less people the better.

18-Sean Pertwee. With a Heineken.